


Specters in the Night

by hiyyori



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Arthur being creepy, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon-Typical Violence, Dissociation, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Threats of sexual violence, ash lives au, postcanon, sad Eiji, sad ash, sad author too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 22:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiyyori/pseuds/hiyyori
Summary: “Fuck, Eiji. I’m so fucking sorry.”He can't bring himself to look Eiji in the eye, who is still clutching the bloodied tissue to his nose, tear stains finally drying on his cheeks.This was why Ash had been nervous when he and Eiji had begun sleeping together in the same bed. He’d known something like this would happen eventually.—In which safety is a double edged sword, and as much as Ash tries, he can’t block out the tide of dark water from sweeping in, and polluting what’s meant to be the second half of his life, the “after” he still isn't sure he's supposed to have.





	Specters in the Night

“I’m gonna turn out the light, okay?” Eiji says sleepily, reaching over Ash to shut off the lamp on their nightstand.

Reluctantly, Ash grumbles and sets down his book on the bedside table, pulling off his reading glasses. He massages the bridge of his nose where they had left indentations and lays down against the pillow, feeling Eiji cuddle up against him, wrapping an arm around his waist, his soft breath ghosting over the back of Ash’s neck.

Ash’s heart swells, still not quite able to accept that he’s allowed to feel like this. He’s safe, in the arms of his love, far away from the guns and bloodshed of New York, thousands of miles across the ocean in their new apartment in Japan. It still doesn’t quite feel real. He’d always thought he would die in New York, choked by the stench of blood and smell of garbage, buried as another no-name youth killed in a meaningless gang war.

He drifts off, the arms of his love securely around him. But in his dreams, the comfort of the present bleeds away, and once more he drowns in the dark streets of New York.

He’s walking down a dark alley, surrounded by the familiar sounds of water dripping and the echo of police sirens in the distance. Ash shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket, tracing his thumb over the familiar shape of his gun. The environment and its sounds are as familiar to him as the back of his hand, yet that fails to lend to a sense of security. Night has always heightened his senses, honing them razor sharp.

Suddenly, a figure steps out from behind the corner of a nearby building, its face lit harshly by the fluorescent yellow light.

“Yo, Ash.” Arthur smiles, a sinister grin on his lips.

Ash’s blood runs cold.

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

“I...I killed you.” His voice shakes. He still remembers the feeling of twisting the knife into Arthur’s gut and the dead, empty expression that had stared up at him when he had peeked down from the train overpass.

“Or so you thought,” Arthur chuckles, and steps further into the light, twirling his knife between his fingers.

Before Ash can react, Arthur’s goons materialize around him and hands grab him from behind, pinning him against a wall with his arms above his head. He curses, spitting and thrashing, as one of them reaches into his pocket and tosses his gun to the side. It clatters on the pavement, outside of his reach.

He can’t move his arms or legs, held down by rough, heavy hands as Arthur comes towards him, brandishing the knife and licking his lips.

“Finally, I get to have my revenge on the little lynx who nearly bit my fingers off.”

He grabs Ash’s chin, tilting it upwards with his thumb, a sadistic glint dancing in his eyes.

Arthur’s hand begins to skim up Ash’s thigh.

His mind goes white.

_No._

—-

_Hm?_

Eiji blinks open his eyes to bleary darkness. He had only been asleep for a short while, but something had woken him up.

He feels Ash’s body, tense underneath him, a garbled moan escaping his lips.  
Eiji carefully wretches his arm out from underneath Ash and sits up, looking at him. His breathing is fast, eyes screwed tight, murmuring terrified, half formed words and syllables.

"Ash...” Eiji felt his heart constrict, like the wind had been knocked out of him.

It always hurt, seeing Ash in the clutches of a nightmare.

It made Eiji feel powerless, seeing Ash battling with his demons in a land he could not set foot in.  
He put his hand on Ash’s bicep, shaking him gently.

“Ash, wake up!”

—-

“Arthur, what the _fuck!”_ He thrashes, trying to pry his arms free. “Get your hands off me, you sick fuck!”

Terror floods his system—an injection of ice water through his veins. He can feel himself starting to go numb.

His surroundings swim in front of him.

The world sounds muted and faraway to his waterlogged ears.

He can’t feel anything. It doesn’t matter. Arthur can do whatever he wants to him and it won’t matter if he can’t feel a thing.

Arthur’s voice reaches him garbled, as if underwater.

"You ain’t ever gonna be the same when I’m done with you.”

The goons holding him down laugh at him. “You got it comin’ kid,” says the one in aviator sunglasses with a pathetic, greasy-looking mustache.

Arthur’s hand skims over his thigh, pushing up the hem of his t-shirt, exposing his hip.

The rush of blood in his ears and his ragged breath are the only sounds he’s aware of, overpowering everything.

His fingers hover over Ash’s waistband, then retract. As Arthur’s hand leaves him, Ash sees him reach into his own pocket, for his knife. He leans forward to whisper in Ash’s ear, knife resting threateningly low, teasing the waistband of his jeans.

“I’m gonna cut your dick up just like you did to my fingers.”

Panic slams into Ash so hard that he wretches his hands free, cutting his knuckles on the teeth of the man he socks in the mouth who had been holding him down.

His eyes lock on Arthur, an unholy cocktail of fear and panic singing in his veins.

Adrenaline is the only thing he knows at this point. Logic is gone.

His instincts propel him and he pulls back his arm, locking eyes on Arthur’s disgusting face. His fist connects, striking Arthur square in the jaw and—

—-

_“—Aarugh!!”_

Huh?

He looks around himself, drenched in sweat, and Eiji is crouching on the bed a few inches away from him, holding both hands over his nose, blood dripping onto the mattress.  
  
The gears turn in his mind.

 _Shit, Shit, Shit._ _  
_

“Eiji—fuck,” Ash pulls several tissues out of the box near their bed and thrusts them toward him. “Tip your head back,” he helps Eiji position himself, a guiding hand on his back. “Yeah, like that...good.”

There were tears in Eiji’s eyes, and although he knows they’re probably involuntary from the impact, Ash still feels shame grip his heart like a vice.

He keeps his hand on Eiji’s arm, rubbing it apologetically, until the bleeding seems to slow.

A blanket of silence falls over them, neither of them speaking, the only sound between them their equally uneven breathing.

“Fuck, Eiji. I’m so fucking sorry.”

This was why Ash had been nervous when he and Eiji had begun sleeping together in the same bed. When they had lived in the condo, as much as he would have loved the feeling of sharing Eiji’s warmth and as much as Eiji would have allowed it, he had insisted on maintaining the distance between them, for his own safety, he supposed.

He’d known something like this would happen eventually.

He felt so disgusted with himself that he wanted to scream. It was over. The violence was over and here he was again, bringing it back into Eiji’s life. Polluting their happily ever after all because his mind still couldn’t let go.

He dug his nails into his scalp, a shaky sob wracking through him.

“Ash, look at me.” Eiji clasped a hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t even realize he was shaking.

“I’m okay. I know you didn’t mean to hit me on purpose.” Eiji’s tone is even, steady, as if he’s talking to a spooked animal.

“ _No_ , Eiji—you’re not fucking okay, you’re fucking bleeding!” His voice cracks with a sob. He wants nothing more than to claw his skin off, dig his nails into himself and tear it from his flesh.

“It’s my fault…” he croaks out, tears spilling free and falling down his cheeks.

Eiji must be terrified of him, or hate him. He wouldn’t be surprised if Eiji flinched away from his touch and kept his distance.

Eiji’s heart constricts painfully again, yet he finds his throat dry, at a loss for words.

 _He’s just scared. It was just a dream_. He wants to reach out and touch Ash, but he himself is still shaking, the bloody tissue in his hand.

 _What can I do about this so he feels safe and I don’t get hurt again_ , Eiji thinks, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Ash, is there anything I can do better next time? So I won’t wake you up so suddenly?”

Ash remains silent.

“…I don’t know.”

His voice sounds hollow, a million miles away.

Eiji feels the weight shift on the mattress, realizing Ash has gotten up.

“I’m going to go sleep in the living room,” Ash announces, voice still raw. Before Eiji can protest, he slings the blanket over his shoulders and grabs his pillow.  

“Ash wait—”

The bedroom door slams shut, Eiji’s words dying in his throat.

The spot on the bed next to him is empty, and his limbs feel heavy and cold.

**Author's Note:**

> Music:
> 
> RED - Survive Said the Prophet (Nightmare and Arthur scene)  
> Silent Storm - Carl Espen (after waking up; bittersweet scene)


End file.
